so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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