so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
