Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
