Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
