by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
