where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
