I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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