I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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