I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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