I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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