I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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