I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
