You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
