When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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