I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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