i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Four minutes until I can fart!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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