I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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