I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
