she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How external is "for external use only"?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
