I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
