i need an iv and a liver transplant
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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