cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
