I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
