the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
