I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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