Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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