I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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