We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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