Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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