if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
