this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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