I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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