On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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