so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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