Where is the hickey?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
