dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
