its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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