I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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