That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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