toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
