Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
