I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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