I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
