bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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