textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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