if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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