I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
