I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You're like the curious george of whores
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
