is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
