Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
