So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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