WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
