i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
