and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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