Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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