3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sorry my hands just texted you
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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