I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
