Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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