dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
